The Importance of Separating Yourself from Anxiety
Why Over-Identifying with Anxiety Makes it More Difficult to Overcome
You are NOT your disorder.
Over-identifying with an anxiety disorder (or depression, etc.) can make it more difficult to overcome. We become attached to the symptoms and begin to believe they are a part of who we are. When a symptom becomes who we are, it can feel impossible to overcome.
We never say, “I’m diabetes” or “I’m kidney failure.” So, why do we identify so strongly with mental illness by stating, “I’m depressed,” “I’m anxious,” “I’m bipolar,” or “I’m ADHD?”
This is not who you are. It is a diagnosis and a medical condition you may struggle with.
Separating your symptoms from your identity allows you to take a step back, increase your sense of control, and evaluate your options for coping well.
Instead of…
“I’m an anxious person”
“I know I’ll mess up”
“What if they don’t like me?”
“I’m so anxious”
Try…
“I’m struggling with anxiety about…”
“Anxiety is trying to convince me that I will mess up”
“Anxiety wants me to believe others will not like me”
“Anxiety is causing my heart to beat fast and stomach to feel nauseous”
I recommend that the next time your symptoms of anxiety arise, that you label the symptoms as something separate from yourself.
I encourage you to form a name or image for the symptoms (e.g. black cloud, Anxious Andy, or just “anxiety”) that you will refer to the disorder as.
Next, identify what thoughts, physical symptoms, or actions anxiety is causing. What does anxiety tell you, how does anxiety feel in the body, and what actions does anxiety urge you to take? For example, “Anxiety is telling me that I will mess up my interview,” “Anxiety is causing my heart to beat fast and my hands to shake,” or “Anxiety is trying to convince me to avoid that social event because others will judge me.”
When you imagine the disorder as a separate person or object, you can begin to “talk back” to the disorder. This gives the symptoms less power and puts the power back into your hands. You do not have to believe everything the anxiety attempts to convince you.
Here is an example of labeling the anxiety, separating the anxiety from yourself, and then “talking back” to the anxiety using realistic and helpful self-talk:
“Okay, “Anxious Andy,” I knew you would come visit me today and try to convince me that I will completely mess up my interview. I have prepared and I am going to do the best that I can. Even if I stumble on my words, I can take a deep breath and refocus my attention on the interview.”
Remember that over-identifying with anxiety makes it difficult to challenge. Try to evaluate what options you have to fight back against anxiety and live the life YOU want to live!
Let “Anxious Andy” come for the ride, but don’t allow it to take the driver’s seat!
Let me know in the comments how this changes the way you feel, what you think, and what you do!
Brooke Vierra, LMFT
bvierracounseling.com
